So according to my husband, this time of year through after New Years is very hard for me. My wonderful meds. keep me from remembering this kinda thing.
It’s been one hell of a month! The constant change in meds. and the ups and downs of it have been terrible. I also found a lump in my breast. The joys of being a woman! So I had to get that taken care of.
I have had a pretty solid week. We were just talking about it last night. The last time I saw my doctor, 4 weeks ago, he wanted to stop a med. that was not helping me. He added one to replace it. He also told me that he wants me to stop the Cymbalta next time he saw me. Today I went to see my doctor. I had my mind made up that I did not want to come off of it until after Thanksgiving. I also had a few concerns that popped up this month. When I tried to explain to him that all day, but especially at night after I take my night meds., I have trouble controlling my mouth. It twitches and even goes completely numb when I try to talk. It is near impossible to speak with my mouth quivering and going numb. Needless to say he was alarmed. Guess why? Well it can act like and even cause Parkinsons Disease. What you say! And if not caught soon enough it will become permanent. Ummm….not cool right?! He said that this was being caused by too much dopamine, if I remember correctly. He said it imperative that I get off the Cymbalta. Yeah..I think I’ll go ahead and do this sooner then later. Remember that solid week I was just telling you about? It didn’t last. I not only had a bipolar episode this afternoon, but had a complete panic attack this evening. This was so bad that in the 15 years of marriage my husband said he has never seen anything like it. And trust me, that man has seen it all.
So what am I thankful for this year? I am so thankful that I have an amazing doctor. I am thankful for my super amazing husband and my Spirit filled children who walk with the Lord daily. And lastly I am ever so thankful for my Christ. For without Him I would not be alive today. He has gifted me with my Salvation and an eternity of loving Him.
Stay thankful my friends.
My days are empty now. My kids went back to school yesterday. I hate to be alone. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with the demons that all too often like to visit. This is how I get into trouble. The house is too quiet. I miss those kids bad. I’m trying to look at this as “me” time, but it’s hard.
God is really dealing with me with some stuff right now. I always wake up at midnight for prayer time, but the last 2 nights, when I awoke, I had this hunger for God’s living word like never before. A thirst needing to be quenched. I visited Valley Bible Fellowship’s website to hear their head pastor, Pastor Ron Vietti, speak. The address is http://www.vbf.org He did a 2 week series about reframing life. I highly recommend you watch this. So good. Anyways, I don’t know why the Lord is firing me up, but He is.
I try to only write when I feel the Lord is leading me, so hopefully someone will watch the sermons and be forever changed as I have been.
I feel strong today. My mind feels strong, my body feels strong, but most importantly, my soul feels strong. I have been doing well, friends. The fibromyalgia is giving me more trouble than anything. It’s been super hot here and I don’t think my body likes it. I also had to get off my original fibro/lupus med because my new insurance was being not nice and left me with over $400 to pay for it. So I started something else which is not nearly as effective….bummer.
I’m starting to really miss church again. I watch sermons online and have my own time with the Lord most Sundays while the rest of the clan is at church. I just miss being there. You know “there.” Where He meets you, I know He will meet you wherever you are, but there is something heavy, worshipers united, Holy Spirit falling, being “there” in the midst of it all. I just can’t sit through it. I try and every time I have to leave. This doesn’t just happen with church. I can’t go to movies or even watch t.v. Sometimes I can read a book, but it has to captivate me from the beginning, no slow starters. And even then I can only read a few pages at a time. And so as it goes, when I do go to church I have to take my own car so I can come home early….bummer. I think I will try tomorrow. I can always make it through praise and worship and if I have to leave after that oh well.
Oh, how I love my Jesus. I love how He works from the inside out. I am so in love with Him and how He meets my every need. I adore Him and how His love has ravished my heart. How He is transforming and renewing my mind.
I was reminded today to be thankful for Everything. As little or big as they are. Thankfulness must be pure in nature. Especially as you lift up your voice to the Lord God Almighty. My family has been through a trying few months. Everyday I thank God for giving me another day, but rarely do I take the time to thank Him for the breeze, or the birds, or the home I live in. Seeing everything with a heart of gratitude when you have no money or wonder how your going to pay the bills is a game changer. So much beauty and you realize everything will be okay. Look at how He cares for the birds. Feeding them and giving them shelter, He loves us SO much more.
I almost went deaf in my right ear last week. I had an inner and and outer infection that had eaten a hole right through my eardrum. After 2 weeks of treatment and becoming literally sick from the infection, today I can hear. The bipolar has reared it’s ugly head a hand full of times this past month. Really been battling with anger, mania, and insomnia. The fibromyalgia and lupus have been fair. I started a new pain med, which is actually taking the edge off.
I was reminded today to also live in the moment with God. Jesus, I’m thankful for the music as I listen to your worship right now. I’m thankful for the sound of my husbands cpap mask that I can hear right now. I’m thankful for the storm that’s coming in and the breeze that’s filling my bedroom right now.
He is good, He is holy, He is worthy.
I know we haven’t yet reached Thanksgiving, but I am so excited for Christmas! I just love my Jesus! I know Thanksgiving is important too. Taking time to give thanks is critical. Especially with kids. Showing them, as we go around the table to say what we are thankful for, how to express that.
I have been doing well. Started a couple new meds this month. Good and bad, but needed. And it’s finally getting a little bit chilly outside. THANK GOD! I thought it was never going to happen.
So, Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Don’t forget to thank the Lord, for He is good .
Last week I accomplished something huge….huge for me.
My husband, children and I were set to go on a cruise from Long Beach to Ensenada and then back. I have been mentally preparing myself for about a month. As time drew near, I was freaking out. I hardly ever leave my house! My anxiety is so bad, I have a tough time in elevators, being out of my comfort zone too long, and many other triggers. I wasn’t going to go as we entered the week we were leaving. The anxiety was too much. Well, last Monday, the 27th, I decided I wasn’t, I couldn’t allow the enemy to steal my life and my life’s experiences. I went to therapy. Then something happened. I was set free! Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! He tenderly removed my anxieties and replaced them with a gentle excitement. I have NEVER experienced anything like it. That was it! I WAS going. Going to see my kids have fun. Going to be with my husband. Going to be triumphant!
We set sail last Thursday and returned this last Sunday. I had a marvelous time! I did have a couple of close calls fainting, but was able to get to bed in time before anything happened. The Lupus acted up only a couple of times. And my mind was stable.
My friends, God can and will do amazing things in your life if you only allow Him.
Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19