The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Yesterday morning when I woke up I was filled with an excitement throughout my body. Think Disneyland excited. An excitement that caused butterflys in my stomach. I sat outside with my coffee and knew that this excitement that I was feeling was because it was Good Friday. As like many Christians, Good Friday marks the start of a very exciting and emotional weekend. Good Friday marks the day my Jesus was crucified. Without Good Friday there would be No Resurrection Sunday (Easter). Yesterday morning I opened my Facebook page and saw that World Bipolar Day had fallen on Good Friday this year. Something struck me as I read this. Something stirred in me and almost made me uncomfortable. I didn’t quite know what to do with these feelings and had no idea why I felt the way I did. As my day went on I was trying to connect with God at every moment I could. It was the early afternoon and during one of these moments that the Lord spoke to my heart and unraveled my thoughts and feelings.

There was some significance with Good Friday and world bipolar day falling on the same day for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about bipolar awareness and busting the stigma, but as I was seeing bipolar posts flooding my Facebook page there was a personal decision that I needed to make. Yesterday I choose to not blog, post, or share anything bipolar related. I choose Jesus. I could have very easily recognized both Good Friday and world bipolar day, but my heart told me “no”. When Christ died on Good Friday, when He endured all the things He did that day, He did it for me…..for you. With every lashing, every blow, every thorn that dug into His precious head, He took on a sin, a sickness, a disease. All of my grief, sorrow, sadness, depression, mania, ocd, anger, pain was in every strike He took. All of the games my mind plays on me, my low self esteem, my regrets that eat at me, ALL of it He took upon Himself. When He died, it was not just my sins that died too, but ALL of my suffering both mental and physical. Without the selfless act of dying for me I would have no hope, no future, no healing. Because I live in a fallen world I will still battle (Ephisians 6:12) until I see my King in Glory. But that is just it, it’s a battle not a way of life. When you think of wars or battles, you think of someone winning, right? This is why I battle bipolar, lupus, fibromyalgia, because at the end of the day I win. With Christ in me, I win every time. And so for me setting aside a day to “recognize” bipolar was like giving it credit it absolutely does NOT deserve. bipolar you are so big and bad that you get your own day! No fricken way! And then for it to fall on the same day as Good Friday! My decision was clear. By not recognizing world bipolar day yesterday, I was saying this disease, I choose not to carry. He already carried it for me today, Good Friday. bipolar is not an extension of me, like my  hands and feet, those are taken. My feet run the race that is set before me (Hebrews 12:1) and my hands were made for this battle (2 Samuel 22:35 NIV). bipolar is not my identity. It is more like a very temporary mask that I wear, an ugly mask, a mask I did not ask for. But one that is worn and then torn down, ripped to shreds, stomped and spit on when I win the battle for the day. This very disease that wanted to steal the limelight for yesterday was not even given a second look. The bipolar that TRIES to still my life at times DIED on Good Friday. This evil, sickening spirit that is bipolar just needs a constant reminder that it has, in fact been defeated some 2,000 years ago. I choose Jesus. He was going to get all of the attention, the limelight, and the glory yesterday for what He did for me. And on Sunday when I celebrate with my family His resurrection I will rejoice in the fact that one day soon I will be with Him pain free forever.

John 11:25 NIV , 1 Peter 1:3 NIV, Romans 10:9 NIV






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