I am flooded in my mind and in my heart with words, sentences, and phrases. My God has once again “done it”.
It has been almost 2 months since my life was changed…..again. I have not felt led to share on this topic until now. When I saw my pdoc around the 4th of December I couldn’t even drive. Things had gotten so bad with the bipolar schizoaffective that I was being visited by some of the old demons. The lupus and fibromyalgia also thought this was a good time to hit me full force. I had ticks back and nothing was “right”. If I felt as though the seam of my shirt was crooked it put me in tears. A constant moving and tugging was how I was living. I was like a roller coaster, anger that would cause me to do terrible things, sadness where crying never seemed enough. My daughters and husband would help bathe me at night, even applying lotion to my hurting body. My daughters would lovingly brush my hair. I would ask Matt why this was happening to me. Why me! My young life had already been riddled by what I thought of as every thing that could possibly go wrong. As I have told you so many times in previous posts that My God was still there, at this time I found myself feeling more confused than ever. More lost than ever. This time around I could not see that light at the end of the tunnel. Although I believed that My God was indeed with me, I just didn’t see how He was going to pull this one off. I have been waiting, hoping for that very moment where God would heal me of EVERYTHING! Jehovah Rapha, The God That Heals. I would read His living Word sprinkled with promises of healing and almost felt taunted. The enemy of my faith whispering his lies, telling me My God’s healing was for other people……not for me. Up until the 4th of December I felt useless, broken down and turned upside down, but not defeated. I still hung on to that little bit of hope. The very promises that the Lord had spoken to me were chiseled onto my heart.
That day of my doctor visit I left with a new prescription along with more changes to my current meds. That night as I prayed over my new medication (something I always do with new ones) I had no idea what was up God’s sleeve. Within 2 weeks of starting the new med., the ticks had left me. I felt some kind of normalcy that I hadn’t experienced in almost 10 years and really longer then that if I reflect on my childhood up to my early twenties.
January 4th I saw my pdoc again. By this time my doctor pretty much had me pinned. His goal being as few medications but just enough of the right ones. I left this time with another new med to address the insomnia that I had been battling with since I got married in 2002. As I held this new med. in my hand with the rest of my pill cocktail, I prayed as usual over it. The next morning Matt made a comment that I had slept peacefully, no yelling, kicking, punching, or scratching that night.
It is now the 24th of January and to say my life has changed is a severe understatement. Miracles have occurred. Peace now fills my heart. Joy has been restored. Every day after January 4th I had waiting for the fluke of “the good feeling” to go away. A phase, a passing fancy so to speak. And everyday I am in awe of this now permanent place that the Lord has brought me to. A place I have never been to, a place just for me. A custom made, unique life that has changed so much over the years. Trials, pain, sorrow, depression, the highs and lows are now no longer holding my hand but crawl behind me. Trying to keep up with a Rachel that it thought it knew, but now that Rachel is running. Running freely in her life and in her walk with the Almighty God. I serve a God of promises kept. I have not only excepted but embraced this new miracle that is my life. I am doing things I never thought I would do or be able to do. I am realistic that being human I may still have episodes here and there and challenges with my mind and body. However these things are NOT the ruler of my heart. They no longer dictate what I can or can’t do. I still have to take care of myself and take precautions as my medication affects me.
Today I attended my first ever ladies bible study. I not only made it there but I made it through! I was blessed beyond words just to be there. Blessed to fellowship with the 7 other gals at my table. As we discussed a topic of ” The Great I Am” showing up in your life I was almost at a loss for words. Awe struck how God “did it again”! Wow! What a topic for discussion. As I tried to express to my group how much and how many times God has showed up for me, I realized I could not give enough examples nor could I stress enough how this never changing God has changed me so much. What He has brought me to. How he has kept me alive when I thought I was going to die.
Today God showed up and brought me Joy both tangibly and spiritually.